Double Baptism

Yesterday was a great day! Both Worf and Tasha were able to get baptized yesterday morning. It was a long wait for Tasha and a lot of hard work on her part (her mother was totally against it for years), but it happened! They were both SO excited.

We had quite a few hiccups:

1. my sister found out that her tire needed to be replaced right before their 2 hour drive out here 
2. my parents had to drive an hour out to pick up my cousin and wound up later than my sister
3. and poor Tasha had to get dunked 4 times! She was a good sport about it though. She said it was just practice for when she does proxy baptisms and has to get dunked 10-15 times.

But, all in all, it turned out great. They had a lot of wonderful friends and family that were able to share in their special day.

Even Tasha's mother and Worf's father came. The kids were pretty happy about that!

Afterwards, the boys got together with Riker, Uncle K and Grandpa to build a rocket. They took it to the park down the street to light it off. They had a blast (pun intended hee hee) and apparently gathered quite the fringe crowd of neighborhood boys to watch.

One rocket flew over the fence and it was a race to see who could get it!

Coming to Ourselves

Our lesson in our women's organization at church today was on a talk Elder Robert D. Hales gave in this year's April General Conference titled Coming to Ourselves. The sister who taught our lesson did a great job with this talk, but I kind of felt like another sister and I (unintentionally) dominated the discussion portion. This was a topic that is rather dear to me and has been a big part of my life over the last 5 years, and I felt that I should base my post on it today.

Do you ever have one of those experiences where you feel like you "wake up" to the terrible position/situation you are living in and think to yourself 'I deserve so much better than this!' Not in a selfish, entitled manner, but in regards to your self-worth and your innate knowledge that you are worth more and deserve to live in happiness and not misery. This was the premise of Elder Hales' talk as well as the story he retells of the Prodigal Son. He brings up a great point that in Luke 15:17, the young man "came to himself." He had that ah-ha moment where he said to himself: what am I doing?? Even the servants in my father's house live in better conditions than me! I am not a pig and should not be subject to living as one. I deserve to be treated with at least the basic dignity and respect that my father's servants have.

Coming to oneself as the Prodigal Son did is the easy part. The next steps are hard. It requires swallowing your pride, becoming humble and quick to repent, asking forgiveness to those you have offended or shunned in your arrogance, and changing habits that may be deeply ingrained in your life. Sometimes it requires you to make small changes to get back on the path, and sometimes those changes are drastic and daunting. It is easy to feel overwhelmed and depressed by how far you have fallen. Many people think that they have messed up so badly that they are no longer worth saving. NOT SO! God loves EVERY one of his children, just as the young man's father loved him, no matter how badly he had screwed up his life. His father ran to him with open arms and lovingly welcomed him back into his home, not as his servant, but as his son, just as before he left and began sinning. So it is with our Father in Heaven. As one sister eloquently pointed out in our discussion: our Father sees us for who we can be and what our potential is, while we sometimes merely see who we are right now, black spots and all. Our Father loves us and wants us to partake of the blessings that he WANTS to give us. He will accept us back with open arms and loving welcome when we come to him with a humble heart, ready to repent and make changes.

When we are ready to take the steps necessary to change, He will comfort us, straighten us, and guide us. I have seen this in my own life on a first-hand basis. I started, as most do, with a small deviation from the things I knew were right. We do not merely wake up one morning and have the thought: I'm going to commit adultery today (I love my bishop's one-liners!). Satan is subtle. Anyway, I started with the subtle sin of thinking 'I'm in college and away from home. My parents aren't here to MAKE me attend church. I don't feel like going today, so I won't.' While that was not a huge life-altering decision in itself, and I still continued to go to church on a majority basis, it was the first step. Eventually, I began dating someone who did not share my values or commitment to religion. That turned into pre-marital sex. That turned into a marriage outside of the temple. Eventually, I stopped going to church altogether and began swearing, and drinking alcohol (luckily, it was at the end of my first 6-pack that I had my ah-ha moment and never went past that). I wound up married to a man who was verbally and emotionally abusive, who selfishly spent our money on himself and had affairs with other women.

One day, I truly hit rock bottom. I had recently discovered that I was pregnant and seriously considered having the baby aborted. A voice in the back of my head screamed at me that it went against everything I believed in. For once, I listened and decided that, against all of the misery of my life, I was going to keep the baby. Sadly, the pregnancy ended in the baby being stillborn and premature. I was a mess. I came home from the hospital an empty shell. I couldn't feel sad. I didn't have it in me. I was past feeling anything, my life was so screwed up. I hadn't been to church in ages, my husband had denounced the church, I ignored the kids I did have, I lived in destitution with no friends or contact with my family, and now I had lost a baby that at one point, I didn't even want. I went to my room and fell to my knees. Literally. I felt so... I don't even know what word to use... pathetic I guess. I figured, since I was there, I would see if God was still there. At that point, the flood gates didn't just open, they burst. I cried like I have never cried in my life (seriously, I soaked a spot in my bed nearly 2 feet in diameter) and poured my heart out to my God, who I KNEW was there. I didn't know how I knew, but I did. I felt so terrible for everything that had happened and everything that I had brought upon myself. I just wanted to make it right, and had no idea how. I finally stumbled into my soaked bed, alone, and fell asleep.

I had a dream that night, that, for many years, I thought was a vision of the son that I had lost. I woke the next morning with a renewed faith in my Father's plan for me. I knew that if I wanted that baby in the hereafter, I had to make some serious changes. I started going back to church, which was very difficult with my husband being so adamantly against the church. I stopped drinking, stopped swearing, and worked towards being worthy to have a temple recommend that I had given up years before. I prayed more than I had ever prayed in my life. Things didn't get easier. In fact, they got harder and harder. My husband found reasons to have the car on Sundays, and excuses to avoid marriage counseling. I had friends who tried to get me to drink with them. I struggled every day with my personal demons and fighting my depression. One day, I knelt down to pray, utterly overwhelmed by my struggles, and demanded of God 'what do you want from me?!?' I prayed very deeply about several specific issues and for His input on what I was considering as my most viable option. I felt a peace and calm, despite thinking that it was crazy and I had no idea how I was going to pull it off. That night, I filed for divorce. Having no car, no money, no support system, nothing. I very clearly said to my Father: alright, I'm going to do what I can, and I am putting the rest of my life in your hands. I truly felt like the Prodigal Son, stepping out of the pig pen and heading back to his father's house, unsure of what was going to happen next.

The next morning, my life started a series of rapid and unforeseen changes, that, if I did not know that Heavenly Father was involved, I would see as a miraculous chain of coincidences. I reconnected with an old friend who was also going through a divorce. He helped me get back on my feet and move. I started attending church on an incredibly regular basis. I was able to obtain a temple recommend for the first time in 4 years. I took my covenants seriously and lived my life in a way that made me happy and blessed. I was eventually, blessed with the opportunity to marry my wonderful friend, but to be sealed to him in the temple. Now, 5 years after my moment of "coming to myself," I have a happy, healthy marriage, 4 kids, a great life, a temple recommend (which I actually USE!), a faith that is stronger than it has ever been, and a clear knowledge of who I am, where I am going, and what I am supposed to do.

Sometimes, I wish that I had that moment earlier. Sometimes I wish that I had never stepped of the path to begin with. Then I remember that feeling of my Father's open arms, welcoming me back after my time away, His forgiveness for what I had done, and the love that he has for ME, an insignificant no-body. I see how my experiences have shaped me and influenced the woman I have become. I have that reminder to not take what I have for granted (and that it really could be worse).

And I don't regret a thing.

Scripture Study: For a Wise Purpose

When reading through the scriptures, I have noticed many occasions where the prophet at the time explains why he is writing the particular records he has chosen. Nephi writes the things of his soul; Jacob, the things which he considered most precious; and Moroni writes of his testimony of God, the Eternal Father. The most interesting explanation I found was a small comment by the prophet Mormon where he says “I do this for a wise purpose.”

Why do these men of God take the time out of their busy schedules to keep records? What is this “wise purpose” Mormon speaks of? I think Elder Richard G. Scott answered this best when he said: “We often leave the most precious personal direction of the Spirit unheard because we do not record and respond to the first promptings that come to us when the Lord chooses to direct us.”

The prophets of the scriptures understood the importance of writing down their revelations, both for their people, and for themselves. It is imperative to our own personal growth that we not only recognize the whisperings of the Spirit, but that we remember them. These promptings come most often when we are tuned in by prayer and regular scripture study. A revelation to the prophet Joseph Smith counsels us: “And as all have not faith, seek ye diligently and teach one another words of wisdom; yea, seek ye out of the best books words of wisdom; seek learning, even by study and also by faith. Alma chapter 17, speaking of the sons of Mosiah, says in verse 2: “they were men of a sound understanding and they had searched the scriptures diligently, that they might know the word of God.”

Notice that in each of these scriptures, they did not merely READ the scriptures. We are told they searched diligently. This is a phrase that appears over and over again throughout the scriptures. So what does it mean to search diligently? It means to be attentive to what you read, be persistent in reading regularly, and carry out your studies with care and perseverance. Additionally, 2 Nephi 32L3 tells us to feast upon the scriptures. Many of us do not fall into these categories. Many of us read casually, sporadically, or make just a quick scan of our scriptures. How then, do we become more active and diligent as the prophets describe?

First we start with prayer. We pray for understanding. We pray for guidance and inspiration as we read.

Second, we ask questions as we read. We ask for help with a problem, advice on a relationship, or insight on a topic. Elder Henry B. Eyring relates his personal approach to scripture study:

Sometimes I go to the scriptures for doctrine. Sometimes I go to the scriptures for instruction. I go with a question and the question usually is “what would God have me do? Or “what would he have me feel? Invariably, I find new ideas, thoughts I have never had before, and I receive inspiration and instruction and answers to my questions

Third, it is a good idea to incorporate Conference talks, hymns, Ensign articles and other materials into our studies. These help to relate the scriptures to a more personal and contemporary setting. It also gives us alternative view points and understandings on the same topic. President Uchtdorf advises:

In our learning, let us not neglect the fountain of revelation. The scriptures and the words of modern-day apostles and prophets are the sources of wisdom, divine knowledge, and personal revelation to help us find answers to all the challenges in life. Let us learn of Christ; let us seek out that knowledge which leads to peace and truth.

Fourth, take the time to ponder what you have read and learned. The process of revelation and inspiration takes time and cannot be forced, hurried or rushed. Take the time to sit quietly and give the Spirit the opportunity to whisper to your heart the things you need to know.

Finally, write down your impressions, thoughts and feelings, no matter how insignificant they may seem. You don’t know how substantial they may be further down the road.

This step, while my personal favorite now, was my biggest road block for a long time. At first I tried making notes in my scriptures, but my methods were disorganized. I also found that the margins were too small to hold the inspiration I had received. Often, I would come across a scripture which I had marked some time before and have no idea why I had marked the scripture. I would read it again and shrug, saying “it’s a nice scripture, but what does it have to do with me?” Then I moved on to the Gospel Library app on my phone. With its super portability and ample space for notes, I thought it would solve my problem. However, my notes were still disorganized and it became more difficult to just flip through my scriptures to see which verses I had marked. I felt frustrated until I came across a website hosted by my former seminary teacher. She shared her experiences with keeping a journal. Not just a daily “I ate lunch in the cafeteria” journal, but a journal dedicated to her personal revelations during her gospel studies. She included the following quote from President Kimball: “Get a notebook… a journal that will last through all time, and maybe the angels will quote from it for eternity.”

This was my moment to smack my forehead and say “why had I not thought of this before??” It is just what the prophets of the scriptures had been doing for millennia and look at the benefits their records have been for countless generations. Then I thought: how much more could I benefit from my own personal records, tailored to my particular struggles, needs, and questions! Another quote from Richard G. Scott made a good case for keeping a scripture journal. He said

You will find that as you write down precious impressions, often more will come. Also the knowledge you gain will be available throughout your life.

I was sold. How great would it be to be able to look back through my journal, years down the road, and read all the inspirations I have received? To know exactly why I marked that scripture and what it had to do with me. I found that my journal made it easier to collect information on a specific topic, from all areas of study, not just my scriptures. It enriched my scripture reading immensely as I could refer to my notes from previous study sessions and cross-reference my heart out. It made it easier for me to know which direction to take at a particular time in my life. Elder Gene R. Cook goes into more detail on this. He says:

The more you not only hear, but abide by what you’ve been told, the more the Lord will give to you. It will come more and more rapidly and you will begin to hear and feel those impressions of the Spirit more quickly than you have previously done.

I know this is true just from the experiences of writing this talk alone. Last weekend, I was trying to take a nap and could not stop thinking about my scripture journal and how it related to studying the scriptures. I finally decided to get up and quickly jot down my thoughts. Nearly an hour later, I had 6 pages of notes!

The blessings Heavenly Father has promised us when we actively study are numerous. In D & C 88:63, He tells us, “seek me diligently and ye shall find me.” In Mosiah 1:7 we are told that we should “search [the scriptures] diligently that ye may profit therby.” And in D & C 90:24 it reads: “search diligently, pray always, and be believing and all things shall work together for your good.” My favorite promise, however, comes from a quote from Joseph Smith:

Search the scriptures… and ask your Heavenly Father, in the name of his Son, Jesus Christ, to manifest truth unto you, and if you do it with an eye single to his glory, nothing doubting, he will answer you by the power of his Holy Spirit.

And this is the best part:

You will then know for yourselves and not for another. You will not then be dependent on man for the knowledge of God; nor will there be any room for speculation. No; for when men receive their instruction from him that made them, they know how he will save them.

What a wonderful promise that is! To know, for ourselves, without a doubt, that God is our Father and Creator and that he has a plan for us.

Keeping a journal can bless not only our lives, but those we come in contact with. It can be a resource for answering questions, a wealth of knowledge for those who come after us, or even a simple example that can change someone else’s life. A story in the May 2012 New Era exemplifies this in one family.

A young man named Robbie decided to change his scripture reading into scripture study by writing a simple journal entry about what he had read each day. Over time, he noticed that not only was it influencing the way he interacted with others, but that his journal became a good way to receive personal revelation. He said “as I studied the scriptures and wrote things in my journal afterward, I would look down at what I had written and say ‘that is not me who wrote that.’ It was personal inspiration given directly to me from God. I have received answers to prayers and counsel for my life on things that I need to do better.” As Robbie continued to grow spiritually, his example prompted his brother Scott to begin keeping a journal. Soon after, their younger brother Josh began keeping a journal as well. What started as a “study the scriptures” plan for one young man, not only enriched his own scripture study, but it also helped the rest of his family experience the joy that scripture study can bring.

A journal can be anything you want it to be. A simple entry after a day’s reading or a collection of notes on a specific topic. A personal journal or a collection made by the family. It can include notes, pictures, inserts and quotes from various sources. The sky is the limit. As President Monson said: It is not the number of hours you put in, but what you put in the hours that count. Let your journal reflect your personality and study habits and it will be incredibly effective.

In closing, I want to share a quote from Neal A. Maxwell that has stuck with me for many years:

The prompting that goes unresponded to may not be repeated. Writing down what we have been prompted with is vital. A special thought can be lost later in the day through the rough and tumble of life. God should not, and may not, choose to repeat the prompting if we assign what is given such a low priority as to put it aside.

In this hectic and busy world we live in, let us consistently draw ourselves away from the world to delve into the word of God and reap the blessings from our hard work. Let us remember how important it is to remain active and diligent in our studies. In my life, I have had many opportunities to forget this, and many opportunities to be reminded of its great importance. I have had many deep and painful struggles and have found overwhelming comfort and knowledge through the careful and persistent study of the scriptures. I know, beyond a doubt that they are the word of God. I know that they were written for our day and for a wise purpose. I know that our Father will bless us with understanding and increased revelation as we write down and act upon the promptings we are given. 

For more information on my beliefs, go here.

For more information on scripture journals, go here.

Topic Headlines

Okay, here we go...

I am planning on trying to post on a daily basis, although with 4 kids, our busy schedules, and all of the court nonsense we are juggling, that may not always prove to be possible. We shall see how it goes. Thanks to Blogger putting out an app for my phone, it may be a little more reasonable, but who knows.

Since I have just a wide variety of things rolling around in my brain right now, and since this blog is an attempt to maintain my sanity, I figured that I would attempt to organize a few of those things into weekly topics. That way, I can spend some time on each thing that interests me without getting stuck in any one thing for too long. Good idea right? I sure hope so :)

So, my idea for topic headlines is as follows:

Monday- Miscellaneous Monday
As the name suggest, I can post about whatever I want without having to categorize it. That way, if I feel that I should spend more time on a topic this week, I have an extra day. Or if I feel like writing about something totally off topic, I can do that too.

Tuesday- Tasty Tuesday
I LOVE cooking, but don't always have a chance to do something fun every day (yes, my kids eat mac and cheese out of a box on occasion). This will be my chance post about all the fun and tasty things I have tried in the last week (or will try).

Wednesday-Weighty Wednesday
I am trying to get my health on track and need a weekly accountability day (weigh in, update, confession :O, etc). Also an opportunity to share things I have learned and struggle with.

Thursday-The Project (I tried to find a title that started with a T, but this was the best I could come up with)
A week-by-week project of loving an individual on purpose and with a plan (I will explain more on my first Project post)

Friday- Family Friday
I believe that my family is THE most important thing in my life, even if it is not the easiest. I want to be able to share what I have learned about building relationships within my family as I have an interesting family dynamic. Look forward to posts about spouses, ex-spouses, biological children, step children, siblings, parents, in-laws, all kinds of fun things!

Saturday-Scrappy Saturday
I love crafts (almost as much as cooking). I love working with my hands and having the satisfaction of creating something myself (part of the reason I love having babies). This is my day to post about any project I am working on from sewing, knitting and crochet, to scrapbooking and home improvement.

Sunday-Spiritual Sunday
I put Sunday as the last day because I want this day to be a relaxation from the rest of the week of craziness. This is the day I am most looking forward to. Watch for posts regarding my study and learning of the gospel and my testimony of my Savior and how it all fits into my everyday life.

Well, if any of you are reading (and I ever wind up keeping up with this schedule), I hope that you find a topic that interests you. I know that I am looking forward to next year when I can go back and read through my own posts and reminisce about what I've done this year.

So, on to posting!!